I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
