I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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