That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
