just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?