Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.