guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work