somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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