When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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