She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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