I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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