His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?