If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?