I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.