i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
