You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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