bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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