My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
