Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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