Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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