So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
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I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
tell me about the fingering
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