Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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