We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
