She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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