You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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