She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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