We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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