Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!