Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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