hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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