1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize