I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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