so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
