she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize