maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize