Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
