he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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