If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
