If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize