Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize