just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
