Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
