Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
