Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
