why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
