alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
