omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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