You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
