OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
