dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
