I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
wow bdsm is so cute
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