i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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