He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
