My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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