I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
